do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
