This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm like, not good at living.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
