i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
