where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
