how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
