When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
