I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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