i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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