Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
