the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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