Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
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Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
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I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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