It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
