i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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