We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
