You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize