Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
