I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
