I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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