THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Randomize
