need another drink. this is the easiest way
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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