OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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