take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
