i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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