Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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