theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
