Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize