I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
