The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
