$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How does one acquire holy water?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
