Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
