got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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