I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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