My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize