youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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