I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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