kristin has been a bad kristin
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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