if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
