you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
