Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
