You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
