the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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