I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
