Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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