its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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