If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
