Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
