You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
