Moan for me like Helen Keller
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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