I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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