Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
