We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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