Little spoons don't ask big questions
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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