Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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