I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
