wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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