Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
