i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
