i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
