dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
