There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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