Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
